Bride-to-be, Sharon Clark, 33, has revealed how the unrelenting media coverage of posh twat, Pippa Middleton’s, million-pound wedding has made her realise she’s been wasting her time.

Clark has been saving up for 8 years, with finance Shane, for her Slough registry office wedding and rugby club reception. She claims that her big day, planned for an unnoteworthy Tuesday this November, now feels entirely irrelevant.

She says, “I’d been stressing about so many things. My dress, who to invite, the DJ for the reception – it all seemed so important. Me and Shane watched as much coverage of Pippa’s wedding as we could and it really has put things in perspective for us. It’s been truly inspirational to see how some privileged nobody with trust-fund fuelled parents ties the knot. We now realise that everything we’ve been saving for is an utter waste of time.”

I’ve always loved Pippa, since she became famous for flaunting her arse at her own sister’s wedding. Pippa has no notable career and, basically, makes a fortune from capitalising on her links to the Royals. I’m pleased she was able to enjoy such a perfect day marrying failed hedge fund manager, James Matthews, whose main achievement seems to be being the brother of a B-list reality show prick.”

Clark went on to reveal that she now plans to cancel her wedding as it was destined to be a dull, tawdry affair with little appeal to mainstream media.

Fiance Shane Gooding, 34, added, “Who did we think we’d impress with our hired suits, sugared almond favours and budget-conscious finger buffet? The most we could have hoped for was that Sharon’s substance-abusing Dad didn’t get smashed on vodka and tramadol and kick off at the reception”.

A spokeswoman for top wedding planning company, Lace for Your Face, London, told us, “We advise anyone who can’t spend at least quarter of a million quid on their wedding not to bother. Over 40% of marriages end in divorce and who wants to be remembered as a tight-arse when they’re cruising for their next husband or wife?”